From the Archives

These are from a long time ago, but are some of the probable thoughts of certain people about customer service. I wasn't intending to make fun of them, just highlight certain aspects of their personality. I don't know why this was originally written unless I need to stay awake during an FP lecture.

Karl

Some [Certain] People on Customer Service/Professionalism

Dr. F: Inspire other people with a vision, train and motivate them, and then take back the popular item by redeeming it through cultural change.

Bob B: You can actually submit your request online now, but make sure you get it in before the add/drop deadline.

Paul P: Sure, I’ll do what I can and give you 5 other people to ask too who work on the Hill.

Dr. Sillars: Please compose 300-350 words and submit your request to the editor.

Mr. Jardines: Because of the sensitive nature of the request, you'll never know when it is fulfilled.

Dr. Bullard: All your requests can be fulfilled using only a straight edge and a compass. Do not include any numbers in your query.

Dr. Gruenke: Your request is transmitted through electrical pulses that one's brain translates into directions sent to the various members of your body to make the fulfillment of the request possible, scientifically speaking.

Dr. Brandly: It's not worth the opportunity cost to fulfill your request.

Dr. Sanders: Use all necessary paper to make your request, supplying appropriate information to buttress the inquiry and specify a red-letter date for final delivery of the product. Don’t ever do anything illigull to fulfill it.

Dr. Noe: All customer service requests must be properly conjugated and understood from the Greco-Roman perspective.

Dr. Watson: Deliver what they want, but most importantly make sure they can cite where their request came from, give them a response in about 3 months.

Dr. Hake: Serve the customer in a highly original manner, even if it's not what they wanted.

Dr. Bouchoc: Provide material that not only meets physical needs, but edifies them, resulting in spiritual growth too.

Dr. B.: Give the customers what is possible, and realize that in the real world we can’t always get what we want in the ideal sense.

Mrs. MacLeod: I knew someone on the Hill once who asked for that same thing. Why don't you write out a formal proposal and we'll talk next Tuesday.

Rachelle: If you help me with this request you could win the weekly drawing for coffeehouse gift certificates.

Avril: What kind of request is that, goober! :-)

Dr. Snyder: The reason you're asking for this is because you come from a Judeo-Christian heritage.

Dr. Stacey: Your request must provide a sufficient learning experience that will make you a well-rounded citizen able to participate in a democratic society. Then you should stick it.